Fomenting Revolution

snow. finally.

2007-01-15T07:16:00.000-06:00

this morning, i woke up to pure beauty, because this is how it rolls.

it snowed, and i am going nuts. i wish i could just play outside all day.

so i've been working too much lately. even when it seemed as if i was going to only get a measly 20 hours, i get slapped with more because the assistant manager got pink eye. no worries though, i'll take the hours i can get.

i've been writing more music lately. i'm thinking maybe i'll see if i can get into a show or something eventually, when i have what i've written down more solid.

uhmmn. bleh.

ajuice

2006-12-25T03:37:00.000-06:00

applejuice=revitalization.

Don't any of you ever, ever forget that. ever.

merry crustmas.

cell

2006-12-21T20:09:00.000-06:00

yes, i have a cellular telephone. heres the number.

9204602229

drop me a line.

massive update, frikkers.

2006-12-12T13:33:00.000-06:00

so here's what i have for today.

I am getting a car on thursday, and no it is not the beloved Highlander. My mum's boyfriend curt, who was selling me that car, decided to be a douche and not lower the price because it wasn't worth what he was selling it at. so instead i'm buying a car from my store manager kate. it's a 1990 acura integra two door hatchback. it's tight.

So my mum and curt, mostly curt, bought(or are buying?) a house. they're starting to help with interior work, that the owner is financing because of a recent fire, and they have big plans for the place. They want to give me the entire basement, which has a sink and possibility for other kitchen appliances. The kicker, is that the basement has a walk out, to the outside, where you can see the river. yeah. it's a waterfront property, so you KNOW it's huge. Of course, my mum doesn't know yet that i'm moving out, and i won't even take up a free offer for that.

so, with that, i AM moving FOR SURE come this late December, perhaps around the 27th. I am moving a little ways into appleton. It's going to be a grand time! I'll also be getting a cell phone, where the number will be posted somewhere around here when i eventually get it.

I've also been working an assload, as you all know, near thirty hours a week. Come into Caesar's sometime, it'll be sweet.

other then that, I haven't been up to a whole lot. I've been doing a bit of writing, but nothing major. I said I would put some up, so that will come last.

I just got word, that my classical style guitar is finished being fixed! it costs 44.10, which i can't really afford to spend right now, but we'll see what happens.

so now...this is actually a song i wrote, but i'll put it up here anyways because it's sweet.

Orion's gaze pierces all a-round.
all that is known and all to be found.
the sky above holds, all so dear.
so talk to the stars for some relief.
They will tell you many things
and write them in the snow.
The trees will even help silhouettes
translate hope to know-
the starking difference
in what we see and feel,
from the powers at hand
and all that they steal.
they rape the land
for all that is there.
while so many just consume
and all contain blank stares.
so we will walk into the stores,
remove things from the shelves,
pay those corporate fools back
for all that they stole.
so when the clock strikes midnight
it will be us in the shadows;
the cement skeletons our canvas,
and love as our medium.
painting on the walls,
beautify walls and streets-
brush paint onto everything
that we can reach.
we will climb onto crates,
up pipes, and the trees.
as long as we reach the
rooftops of our dreams.

the meaning of some things never seem so clear,
until you're under the twighlight in your light snow gear.
sled strapped to your side, pull the rest by a string;
the clock strikes midnight and i just want to sing!
It's time for us, to take back the streets;
but for now we'll go a sleddin', and be just as free!

I've ventured though the woods
many times to that spot.
the very place that inspires
many trains of thought.
i missed the moons gaze
and the twighlights smile
because orion's sword protects us
but prevails only while-
I was there all those nights
unmeasurable feelins on paper,
talking schemes and painting dreams
on the canvas of a later-
time and date that,
seemed insignificant then
but bores all forms of relevance,
especially now in the wind.
with a shiver down my spine,
the breeze hardly penetrates my clothes.
scarves of love and mitties I'll also hold-
as these symbols on paper are made to rhyme.
I think about those that i love;
four in a prison, one at work, two a-
hundred miles away, one at home.
we're getting sick of all there is
i'm getting sick of not seeing my friends,
but here i am singing songs for you,
but i have a better idea....

the meaning of some things never seem so clear,
until you're under the twighlight in your light snow gear.
sled strapped to your side, pull the rest by a string;
the clock strikes midnight and i just want to sing!
It's time for us, to take back the streets;
but for now we'll go a sleddin', and be just as free!

yeah...

2006-12-11T23:58:00.000-06:00

so basically, i fail at making new posts. i bet nobody even checks this anymore.

i will make a massive update of my life tomorrow. and then, i will post some poetry. i have time. i will do it.

i still love you all, if you're reading this.

2006-10-30T01:01:00.000-06:00

how do i live with myself? how do i live with these expectations i never fill?

i feel like i'm just going through life failing those i care about. i wish there was a right way to do things. i wish i still wrote down all of my thoughts, but i don't even feel like i have time for that.

Madtown and the Teeter-Totter

2006-10-17T21:16:00.000-05:00

so(if the tent comes) Paige and I are leaving for Madtown for Zinefest tomorrow. We're going to be pushing it a bit by not leaving in the morning, but we really need that tent. Regardless, it's going to be an awesome trip.

I'll be sure to come back and write eighty thousand pages on it.

But I've had something else in my mind I wanted to express. I was listening to the radio the other day, WiscoPublicRadio, and they were talking about legislator electives, and how republican and democrats are teeter-tottering for power. I thought this was an interesting concept, considering both democrats and republicans are on the conservative side of a political compass. How can two groups teeter for power when they're on the same seat? They're on the same seat because the majority of them are rich, white, and men. They cannot represent the lower portion of the population, because they have no idea what it's like to be on the defense all the time; they have no idea what it's like to be the subjegated of hierarchy, patriarchy, and capitalism.

While those of us who the far left, along with all of those who toil to work for the benefit of those above them, are on the bottom of the teeter-totter, the sick pigs sit on top, squabbling over who's name will be on the election banners and ballots.

Despite the atrocities committed in the name of democracy, it was for everything besides democracy. The people in this growing facist-state have no real power, unless you have enough slaves and financial backing to persuade those the rest of the population foolishly elect. This is not democracy, or even a democratic-republic; this is all out war, waged by the privleged, financed through taxes, and carried out by police in all forms. This is a war the people are losing, because many have no idea it even exists. They are so content behind their closed doors, that everything on the other side of it is so alien, so foreign, that anything from it is terrorism. The people are hadicapped with a plague that blinds those with minds and binds those who act against the status quo.

This war is about everything. It's about eating up the Earth's limited resources, it's about holding up a failing system for as long as possible, imperialism, patriarchy, capitalism, God's Will, unsustainable agriculture for an ever-growing population; it's about everything. Everything as in it affects any and all beings that even breath.

2006-09-22T00:38:00.000-05:00

so as a side note, before i get to the seriousness, i found twelve dollars in my wallet today! this is super exciting, because i thought i was broke until next thursday...

Where am I going to college? I desire the college experience and knowledge? I don't need to be fed that shit. I don't need anything except a desire, one to learn and to feel; to observe my surroundings and evaluate them. I do NOT need a college environment. What I need is to live on the ouskirts of this obligation many like to call a 'normal' life. Mayhaps AI will take some college courses or a semester, and in due time I probably will, but I have other desires to be met first. Sinful, yes, but for a non-religious youth, sin is nothing more than another barricade that must be ignored and overcome.

The cool breeze is plentiful, and for all to enjoy. My body shivers as the breeze breaches my sweater, teasing my spine with it's chilling sensations. It feels wonderful, it makes me enjoy feeling, and relieves me from the burden of the prison grounds I rest on. If only this breeze were ebnough to life me off of these mind nulling grounds, then I could be free of the social obligations that keep me here.

Grafitti dreams in this cool breeze;
I wish for the lie that there is no time,
So I could face this mind dulling place,
and maybe tear it down.

There will be no redemption for this sensation
that they'll strip away when I enter the fascade,
that I need this prison if I want to keep on livin',
Even if I do it with a frown.

I keep a quiver down by the river
but instead of arrows I store the dreams that soar
through the trees at night with the stars as my light -
there are bonds here that I found

My growing bonds with the living, although some ideas are chilling,
that this could all be gone, putrid and wrong,
that their saws and machines will move past so unseen -
the trees may fall and won't make a sound;

It all comes back to this school's lack
to detect and respect,
for the world they blur when they rationally concur,
that its okay for us to drown -

in irrelavance and complete neligance.
used and abused as the system's contour,
gagged and blind stuck in the outline;
we'll never have the grounds -

similie or metaphor, it's all been said before,
so lets say it again but this time we will win.
despite the institutions that try to stop and dilute us
and we will tear them down,

so prepare the willing to avoid more killing,
as we use the colorful paint of distain
and cover the medium, however teious,
before big brother defvours the last of bonds.

2006-09-05T22:57:00.000-05:00

prison started today.

bikes.

2006-08-28T16:30:00.000-05:00

aye hart bikes.

seriously though, all one needs is a super sweet bikeride.

May be biking down to MadTown for zinefest on October 21st. You should leave some love, and i'll give you more information.

On another note, I'm starting training to close at Little Caesar's tonight. It should be pretty exciting.

2006-08-23T04:31:00.000-05:00

So it really hit me earlier today that school is coming, and it's coming fast.

There have been so many things i've been neglecting to do before school starts, and I really need to get on top of them. It's four-thirty in the AM, and I'm going to do a couple of the things I should have done eons ago.

I am really not looking forward to going back to school. One more year is all I keep telling myself...

One more year.

Dishonesty

2006-08-21T21:04:00.000-05:00

"To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest"
-Mahatma Gandhi

I wish Gandhi would have told me this earlier. I mean, I always knew it, but it's really one of those things that you have to truely learn the hard way. Well, my time has come and I really need to buckle down and handle future situations better than what I have done recently.

I wish there was something I could do or say to make the pain go away in a certain individual, but an apology will do nothing. Even if there was something I could say, I've pretty much ruined all trust I have with this person close to me.

Leaving Again

2006-08-11T10:01:00.000-05:00

So tonight, I'm leaving for Minneapolis with Troy and Brian. I'm really excited to go, mostly just to see the city and all of the people that Troy and Brian know. I've heard so many good things about Minneapolis, and I'd like to experience as much as I can.

The reason we're going is to see a sXe band from the late 80's named Gorilla Biscuits. Basically, they're having a reunion tour and we're going to check them out.

Of course, the most important and fufilling part is the journey, not the destination.

I will be back on early Monday morning. I hope everybody has a great weekend!

"No thought, no refelction, no analysis, no cultivation, no intention; let it settle itself."

-Tilopa

Dreamscape

2006-08-04T20:43:00.000-05:00

A once burning desire has been aspired,
Since I extened my arms to meet my fate.
My destiny is in the stars,
And they pull me into the heavens to live again.

Desire in a blaze from just a simple gaze,
Discussion, reflextion, and couting falling stars,
It's the only key to unbind me from chains of life's distain.
And then I wonder how far we might soar.

The sun peers over the horizon,
Creating something to reside in.
Busy body pastels and blotchy water colors,
Mesh together in the early morning heavens.

Clouds moving to and fro,
Some move quickly and others more slow.
My existence and persistance begin,
to fall into a brand new flow.

Falling up, by unconventional means.
Fallen and then caught, by wisps above the treees.
Who knew life could seem like such a dream,
when passion follows clouds and Apollo's schemes.

fuckah?

2006-08-03T10:43:00.000-05:00

Hey fuckahs....

Don't forget the motivation and the innovation of one's own mind. Who knows, sometimes you can find help in the weirdest of places, especially if you aren't looking.

The Truth is Near

2006-08-01T17:13:00.000-05:00

Do not travel far to other dusty lands, forsaking your own sitting place; if you cannot find the truth where you are now, you will never find it.

-Dogen

near-future

2006-07-23T00:31:00.000-05:00

So yeah...

I pretty much don't know what to do with myself. I've been thinking alot about what I'm going to do with my life lately, and I haven't come to any decisions. It's sort of stressing me out, and I'm trying to find a way to not feel so mixed up about everything.

There's really alot I want to do with my life, and I'm not sure how much of my current life is going to remain. What I mean is, once I escape the restrictions of this home I live in, things are going to change alot. For example, I found out the other day that my brother isn't getting his social security checks from when our dad died, because he is over 18 now. My mum also doesn't have a job, so she pretty much relies on three things; my brother's other check he gets, my social security check, and her boyfriend's cash. The thing is, when I turn 18 in the end of November, I get my social security checks until june. This means i will have 500 dollars to live on monthly, plus whatever I get from working a shit-ton. Basically, I could move out if I wanted to. This is an idea that excites me greatly, but it all depends on the circumstances I'm under in a few months.

post-Planet-X Fest

2006-07-14T17:25:00.000-05:00

This coverage of our trip will not be on a day to day basis, but rather a summary of what I got out of it.

There was four of us and the slickest oldsmobile you ever seen, packed to the rim. Our grand trip was to begin on the early morning of July 5th during the 2006th year of anno Domini. I had not totally realized that I was not only leaving my home but also almost every obligation I have for an entire week. My heart melted with joy, as I turned the ignition key.

We made it to our campsite okay. The ride was filled with various events which include, but are not limited to; liberating silverware from an undisclosed restaruant, cussing at bad drivers, seeing a 8.6 foot tall police officer while making sandwiches. The driving aspect went well, for we were not pulled over. At one point we were worried because the officer would've asked "do you know how fast you were going?" I'd have to tell him, "I'm not completely sure, my speedometer stops at 85."

The campsite was alright, with three exceptions. First, it cost money, and I later learned a few places we could've camped for FREE. Secondly, it was a forty mile round trip every day. And last, we had little thieves visiting out campsite. A racoon, or what I later learned was it could have been several(they work together), took two apples and two entire loaves of bread!

So I met alot of neat people, ate good food, and heard alot of good music.

The biggest thing about the entire trip was learning about myself. Two things that struck me most was the feminists and the knowledge base.

First, being around so many feminists made me really think alot about my role, as a male, in the feminist movement. I thought alot about breaking free from traditional gender roles. I actually picked up this book called "ecofeminism: women, animals, and nature". At first I was unsure if i should get the book. I really didn't want to read about some extremists rambling about how men are evil and how they need to take nature back from us. I was mistaken, and suprised. This idea really combines all of my ideas into one.

Basically, ecofeminism's premises is that ideologies that authorize oppression on race, class, gener, sex, physical abilities, and species is ultimately the same idealogoy that sanctions the oppression of nature. Reading through the introduction, I am glad to see that ecofeminism realizes that men must play an equal role, and should be liberated aswell. Ultimately, I have been briefly shown that one cannot liberate women, animals, nature, or anything else without the system eventually falling back into the previous oppressive state. The absolute freedom from repression must be put forth by ecofeminism, because its goal is to liberate all from the idealogy of oppression. It sounds good, but we'll see how this idea turns out in writing and in practice soon enough.

The next major thing I got out of Planet-X Fest is the realization of the knowledge base available without ever reaching a university. It really made me reconsider my future. Originally, I wanted to go to school to be a teacher. I set that idea aside when I realized the education system isn't fucked because of the teachers, but because of how it is organized. Then I decided I just want to go to school to learn all sorts of social, biological, and ecological things. The problem with this is, trying to pay off 4 years of college off of a useless degree. Joy. So then I decided I could probably learn what I need to know by simply going to workshops, getting to know the right people, and going to radical workgroups. Also, I considered it may be most effective to just go to a specialized university, even for just a semester or two. Either way, I decided I am going to do some traveling in the next decade.

Overall, Pix Fest was great. I missed Brittany and my bicycle, but that's pretty much it. Bloomington, Indiana treated us nicely, as did the car. The car ride was long, but I shared it with friends.

America?

2006-07-04T14:52:00.000-05:00

Yay America! Celebrate your birthday of oppressive greed with fireworks made in China!

Fuck you America.

pre-Planet-X Fest

2006-07-03T15:14:00.000-05:00

I will be leaving on wednesday for Bloomington, Indiana where some homies and I will be camping and attending planet-x festival. It will be marvelous. We will be gone until late next wednesday, where I will be sure to put something up here having to do with my adventures.

River of Dreams, Harbor of Hope.

2006-06-23T12:34:00.000-05:00

It was a beautiful evening, like no other. My boots clink as I step out onto the brick pavement, glowing amber in the sunlight. I stop to take a deep breath, and look around me. The gulls soar in the sky above the harbor, downstream from the canal. I continue my stroll until I reach the arched overpass and lean against the support pillar. A dory passes in the canal beneath the bridge, and the water glistens warmly as I squint to make out an approach figure.

My heart stopped several times that evening, and this was the by far the longest. Her petite frame approaches with that shy smile on her face, hiding those dark emerald eyes behind subtle bangs. Her short hair wisps in the light breeze, and her feet step without a sound. She stops two feet before me, and glanced around bashfully. The smile on my face matches hers as I greet her with a simple hi, which she returned.

Every time our eyes met it was magic. We began walking down towards the square, opposite the direction of the harbor. We reminisced about old times and giggled immensely. I was in love. We passed many people, pubs, and shops; but we ignored them all, enthralled into each other. Her hand gently brushes my arm. I freeze; did she try that? What do I do? I tried to shake it off and kept walking.

We were on yet another adventure and our destination was a small five story abandoned warehouse. Although it may have been used for living or office space, the destination was the roof, where I wanted to show her the spectacular view of the entire city and harbor.

We cautiously looked around, and wondered down a side alley. The front door was boarded up, so we had to use the alternate route. Conveniently placed were three large crates, making a sort of oversized staircase up to a missing window. I climbed up first onto the single crate and up onto the stack of two. I waited as She easily bumped onto the first crate, with some help from a stack of wood. She was struggling up onto the second step-crate, below the window, so I put my hand out to pull her up. She grabbed it and was levered up.

Standing there for a moment, still holding her hand, our eyes met. It felt like Her eyes had frozen me in place, leaving me immobile. She climbed through the window, pulling me in after her, and She shyly glanced at me. We just stood there for the greater part of a minute, gazing, before I suggested that we head up stairs. She let go of my hand.

The room was somewhat musty, with off-white walls from old age. The wood floorboards creaked as we cautiously strolled across the floor. There was no door to the hallway, just a decaying doorframe. The hall wasn't much different from the room we entered the building through; barren and musty with sun educed golden creaky floorboards. To our left was the staircase we began to climb. The Victorian windows on the wall of the staircase between floors illuminated all to be seen.

We each held onto the railing as we ventured up the stairs, slowly stepping as to not make a false move. She looked back and down at me and I winked as I do, pretending to be nonchalant and then blowing it with a blush. She quickly looked forward as to hide her pink cheeks. I giggled, and we reached the final stair to the top floor.

She asked me which room we would have to go in, and I told her the second on the right. It wasn't a big top floor; it was much smaller than the previous floors. It was convenience to us, because to view the stars we would have to go out onto the roof. We entered the small room, small enough to compensate as a bedroom of some sort. I opened the window outwards, to move the blur of wood and glass to sharpen the desired view.

It was magnificent. She stood next to me, resting her head on my shoulder and chest. Her head seemed to fit perfectly, and I wrapped my arm around her waist as I leaned against the window frame. She put her arms around my mid-body. Looking up with her glistening eyes, her lips moved as if to say something.

"I really like this."
"We don't have to let this end..."

And she held me tighter. We slowly went to the floor, arm-in-arm, and She kissed me as tears formed in my eyes. I smiled and kissed her, unraveling a chain of deep and simple passion. Her warm lips against mine intertwined with simple gazes will pierce my mind for eternity.

Even though that moment will be frozen in my mind forever, time went on. Night fell upon the sky, and we looked out the window. We were drawn to go out the window and climb onto the thatched roof. We were to gaze at the stars together. I held her hand to help her out, and for but a moment as we went onto a flatter surface. We stood in awe, again in each other's arms. The view was spectacular, on the far side of the square, above most of the other buildings. The moonlight made the harbor shimmer, and the view melted us as we gazed. We sat down, and looked at each other. I lay down to stretch and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.

When I opened them, she was gone. I scrambled to my feet in a panic, and looked all around for her. I stumbled to the windowsill and saw no signs of her. I called her name, time and time again, with no answer. I ran around the uppermost floor on the roof, and still saw nothing. I stormed to the bottom of the building, hoping she hadn't fallen.

Stair after stair, they all look the same. I came into the entrance room, and out the window. Somehow, I still had the energy to run a frantic lap around the entire building. I thrashed my neck back and forth, as to not miss a single detail. When I came to the spot perpendicular from where we had been seated, the only way she could have fallen, I collapsed to my knees.

She was nowhere to be found.

And then I awoke from my dream, in tears.

Cranes

2006-06-16T00:50:00.000-05:00

I have been inspired by the Sandhill Crane.

I awoke from a doze to one in the resevoir once again.

poor chick. poorer boy.

2006-06-11T21:22:00.000-05:00

So tonight I got out of work, and I went out the back to bring my bicycle to the front, as I usually do. I am just about to drop my bag and mug into my basket when i see a brown fluffy ball on the right side. I pause instantly. As I looked closer, I realized a baby bird had stumbled into my basket. I set my stuff down, and ran inside exclaiming "there's a baby bird in the basket of my bike!"

Vanessa, Charlie, and Jake all rush out to see. I tried getting the bird to step onto my bandana. Charlie and Jake wonder back in shortly after, and Vanessa told me to just pick it up with my bandana. After Vanessa left, and came back, she helped me scoop it up. I then walked it slowly, and hunched low to the ground (incase it decided to jump out), all the way to the other side of the parking lot where there were some trees and stuff. I figured it wouldn't be very fun to die getting hit by a car.

I felt terrible. I had touched this innocent little bird who happened to fall into my basket. In retrospect, I could've gotten it out without even touching it but it's too late for that. I walked back, washed my hands, and moved on to the lobby where I sat and waited for my slice. I finish chatting and eating and go outside.

There is a group of kids that always hangs out a couple stores down. They're always there, I don't even know what they do. Who would want to hang around a Picknsave/Subway/little c's?

Anyways, this tiny kid screamed at me from about 20 feet away. He asked me if the green bike was mine, and bewildered, I told him yes. He asked where his bird was. Now I was just plain confused. I asked what bird he was talking about. He proceeded to tell me he found a baby bird on the sidewalk and placed it into my basket for safe keeping. I pointed out that the bird belongs to not anybody but itself, and because of his stupidity (ie, touching the bird in the first place) he has doomed it to starve without a mother and the knowledge to survive to maturity. He then rudly interjected, exclaiming that I had to give him his bird back. I told him the bird would die of it's own causes and not his ill treatment.

I swear this kid lacks ears, a brain, or both. He still persisted. He was wasting my time and told me to give him his bird back. I told him to fuck off, and biked away.

I shed a tear for that unfortunate bird. I shed another for the even more unfortunate boy who will surely collapse with the rest of society.

You cannot own life. His disrespect for other living things is a living example of a typical civilized mindset. If you can pick it up, it belongs to you. Well, I could've picked that little puke up and pummled him, but I would still cease to own him.

I suppose many would argue a human life is more significant that a bird's life. I would wish them luck in convincing me this were true.

I will remember this bird and the lesson it taught me for the rest of my days.

ACT

2006-06-10T12:10:00.000-05:00

I just finished my ACT testing.

I'll say, i didn't do as well as I could've. I didn't pace myself, and didn't finish the grammer section. I took too much time. -oh well. I don't even care how I do, because i've thought about how bogus standardized testing is.

but then again, this will constitute how much financial aid i get...

I guess if I do poorly, I can always retake it. This time I'll know what to do, and maybe even memorize a few math formulas.

Or not.

byke

2006-05-29T22:11:00.000-05:00

brittany and i biked to beaner's today. it was sweet. my forearms are a little burned from the sun. with bikerides like that this summer, i'm going to be ripped.

this is going to be me by the end of the summer.

edit: brittany told me i wouldn't look good with a six pack. that's why, in my picture above, i have an eight pack. ;)

2006-05-20T23:22:00.000-05:00

fuck.

this edit is for shari: read my comments.

The deafening silence of grinding gears

2006-05-10T23:01:00.000-05:00

I know not the time, but I am down between two of the locks on the Fox River. In this particular location, the locks are closed and no longer in use. A very small stream of water is, on average, about twenty feet across and two or three feet deep. It is a very calm stream, and is blooming with life.

Today I was horrified with a vision; what if, despite our best efforts to stop ourselves from ruining the world, we fail? We will destroy all that we are attracted to and all that defies us. The worst of it is, we will stop at nothing until every creature is erradicated from the planet, when it is too late. But when is too late? Is too late when literally all life perishes besides that in which we "control" or is it too late when we can no longer sustain ecologically friendly populations of humans and nonhuman? Would we, COULD WE destroy ALL life?

This stream, the creatures in it, and the moon above says no, and they tell me this in song. Despite the water that would otherwise ravish the space between these locks, they have remained closed for the past two years to only open the door for life to thrive in this long man-made canyon. In two summers, it has grown thick with life, and will only progress.

The calm waters draw in literally thousands of creatures, all breaking into song via; chirping, croaking, and squeaking.

I can hardly see as I write, but I hear the rustles in the forest behind me. There's a roar of life, all round. Life can and will take back some of the habitats we destroyed. The balancing of an ecosystem takes time though, and this may take many generations of any given species.

I love this place, Heysakkers. I spent many hours of time here at a boy, sometimes by myself, othertimes with friend(s).

I write now only by the light of a cloud, hazed moon and light pollution. I sit on a rock and absorb myself in the aura of thousands of creatures that our civilization recluces from us daily.

I am trying to listen, truely listen. I see that if we let nature take its own coarse, then life will thrive. Perhaps as others become exposed to real truth on a daily basis, they would feel more obliged to help the ecological community and all the homes within, for all humans and non-humans.

It is cooler, darker, and later. I am listening to their songs and they sing of life. I say we let them sing to their heart's content, and us along side them. All of life sings the same songs, the only differences are what we distinguish, as the more "dominant" species. If we can sing, they can too-exist along side us as we will with them, the creatures of this stream.

The deafening silence of grinding gears. Our gears are grinded because we have shifted them in an unsustainable way. We must deafen ourselves to keep following and doing what destroys us along with everything else.

I hear a snap of a large branch across the stream. Had to be a fucking bear. No, its human. I hear deep pitched voices as two silhouettes walk out of the forest and stumble upon the rocky shore. Will they notice me? I hear a splash, shouting, and laughing. One of them stepped into the water. Will they notice me? Something overcomes me, and my memory banks are searched. I know these kids. They are highschoolers. Jimmy Hungerford. I recognize one of them, and remember the displeasure, uncomfort, pressure, and distaste from Jimmy from when we were younger. I forgive, because he had no control to be born into the decepticon.

The moon is shining ever brighter, and I bit a fingernail off and launch it into the rocky haven before me. The song of life entralls me and the most I can do is sigh. I think this is my time to leave. The song grows ever louder and the moon consumes more of the sky.

"Stay, if only but for a time."

The animals in song want my company-as i want theirs. I want to lay down. I just want to crawl into a ball and sleep right here, in a working community with organisms uncontrollable by this grand decepticon.

"Soon. Don't lose your vision. We will wait for you; others will also wait. Do what you can to survive, and we will do what we can do for you."

Of course, I will fight for them as they would fight for me.

The decepticon says I am crazy; completely and utterly out of my mind.

But then I am told that I am just regaining what the decepticon took from me, and has slowly been extracting, for 17 years; my sanity along with the ability to see the world as a home, a mother, instead of a resource and commodity to be exploited and sold.

Stay, if only but for a time. I will return soon, but now I must return to my bicycle, so I may peddle my way back into a cultural cell I erected myself. It is time to go.

"Goodbye. Goodbye for now," I call out to the forest, the stream, the orchestra.

---------------------

I am now a member of a progressive counter-culture. Seeing things from an outside perspective, I see more easily what slowly destroys us and all life we depend on. We are the decepticon, slowly maurauding all that could thrive around us.

A counter-culture is a sub-culture that rejects the values and norms of contemporary society. In this, I am a part of this decepticon. The difference is, I strive to move beyond it. I partake in the deviation of a movement, slowly moving so that I may take all I will need outside of this lifestyle.

I am this counter-culture. I strive for knowledge and all it has to offer to me.

SECRET

2006-05-07T22:41:00.000-05:00

psst...

i think i'm going insane.

i'm pretty sure i am slowly losing my mind, and with that, my grasp of reality.

DECEPTICON(Billions will perish from our lies.)

2006-05-04T22:14:00.000-05:00

I don't usually do this, but here is an exceprt from my private journal!

"Our culture is maintained by lies. We lie to ourselves and to eachother. We are lied to by mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, lovers, neighbors, teachers, politicians, world leaders, our textbooks, and still the textbooks that came before them.

When we start listening, TRUELY LISTENING, we will see through these lies; deceptions, ignorance, and apathy within ourselves and the people around us. But what do we listen to? How exactly is this so called "truth" revealed to us? How should one define "truth"?

A counter-culture is established when these cultural lies of deception become coherent. I, in no way will ever be ready to deny that this civilization, the very same in which our culture is very much apart of, is going to reach it's peak in growth soon enough. It will face a collapse; it is inevitable and will be very violent. As political systems fail and police can no longer maintain order, chaos will emerge. Populations will drop rapidly, as food will become slowly more scarce.

The hippies and political activist movement of the sixties established a counter-culture. They saw, or rather felt, that something was innately wrong with this way of living. They had everything, but felt that "everything" was unsatisfying. They needed something more then possessions to keep them happy, they wanted LOVE. They ultimately came to the premise that they had to start living a differnt way.

So this counter-culture is established. It did not work out quite as expected, for various reasons that i will not explain here, but it did sucessfully change society. Reformed, a more liberal variety was maintained and this culture survived, but for how long?.

This culture, as deceptive as it is, has survived countless social reforms, environmental diasasters, and economic regressions. [We are apart of nature; are very much apart of it. Due to many changes in agriculture and scientific discoveries, for the most part, we have stopped evolving biologically.

'Survival of the fittest' does not fit us as well as it does other creatures, and because of this we conclude we are more superior then those other organisms. So, now we evolve technologically instead of biologically.

One must convince theirself to defy this cultural boundry I'm going to cross here. Are you ready? Don't lie or decieve yourself, this is simple. Our technological evolution is driven by what? Purely ideas or food surplus'? Of course not, this is silly. Our evolution is maintained by oil. O-I-L. It's that simple. Our machines are USELESS without oil, in its many forms.

So now, I must ask you. We have survived many atrocities, many crucial blows to our societies.] But honestly, can our culture really survive an economic collapse? [I'm not just talking food here, I'm talking about the one thing we depend on most. This very material that fuels our evolution; oil-everything runs off of oil, directly and indirectly. Be creative and make a list. ]

These lies we perpetuate will bring such a collapse. Reform will not be made, and instead of a simple regression from these totalitarian lifestyles; economic, political, social, and ecological collapses will devestate millions.

Did i say millions? BILLIONS, and not just humans. "

Anything in []'s means it's not originally in my journal entry. I added it as i typed it here.

Bike riding power ballad

2006-05-03T22:09:00.000-05:00

Exaustion overtakes both of them.

They are lacking in the sleep and nutrition departments.

They fall asleep, only to be rudely awaken by a cell phone's alarm. This couple is disturbed during one of the latter stages in an altered state of consciousness, normally referred to as sleep. It is inevitable that these two will loathe being reanimated. Profuse laying and sitting occurs. Several year-old animal crackers, specifically two goats, are slipped into one of their pockets by the other. Immense giggling occurs, but the victimized party is clueless and, being still very disoriented, laughs along.

A bikeride follows these events, with the male half singing power ballads in his high-pitched manly voice. Struggling to create sensible rhymes and explaining them while still in song builds up the hilarity. An argument occurs when a brown haired boy the female knows greets them from a passing SUV. Then, to finish off the subject, the male breaks into song, again in power ballad format, about the brown haired boy and the probability that he will mention something at school the next day.

They arrive upon her residence. An earnest kiss and farewell occurs, until yet again another power ballad is wailed out. A perfect rhyme scheme boosts his self-confidence.

----------------------------------

Under a majestic sky,
revolution will occur.
Undermining not only authority,
but an idealogy of;
hate and senseless death,
unsustainability,
imperialistic greed,
and an unsatisfying social organization.
We will prevail,
or die trying.
We can't live off the land yet,
but steps are being taken;
measures are being weighed,
only as ideas necessairy,
to survive-
to prevail.

beneath the stars is but a bicycle

2006-05-02T22:13:00.000-05:00

As a young child, I was intrigued with the simple mysteries that surrounded us. I always looked at things and wondered how they worked. I was constantly complaining and asking questions, and I was always told to stop.

"Stop whining Billly!"

"Just because, stop asking me!"

Naturally, I started looking at things for myself instead of asking questions. It always seemed like i was some sort of an outcast, and I firmly believe this has contributed my ability to see things from an outside perspective.

From spending countless hours in my room alone playing with legos, I always found the instructions fascinating. Yet, as a lower-middle class young boy, i couldn't regularly buy new sets of legos to satisfy my stimulation for something new. Instead of yearning as much as other children did, I looked to myself. You can clearly apply this to my view on society.

"This is a cool way to put this together, but I can do it better."

And it was so. I would build glorious things from scratch, and alter already good creations. While others may not find them so great, I was satisfied. Isn't that what it should be about?

But then legos didn't satisfy my growing fascination anymore. Instead of looking towards machines, I tended to look at people. Why do people think that way? Why do they do that? But to be truthful, there are more self-centered questions; why do you think that of me? why do you treat me like this? Soon it was bigger then just about me. I was getting into punk rock, and exposed to ideas of Anarchism. It took a long while for ideas to develop and they are still, approximately two or three years later, far from being fully developed.

I am fascinated with sociology, psychology, anthropology, environmental sciences, biology, ecology, and other topics here and there. Lately, I am being termed as 'genious', 'smart', 'intelligent', and other various things. I am being put on a platform above others, and to be perfectly honest I don't like it. I KNOW that i am no smarter then others, it just happens that I am interested in what most highschool kids don't give a flying fuck about. You can compare me to a 'grease monkey'. Surely, this fine person can explain in great detail how a motorized vehicle functions. If you ask me, my explanation is rather shallow, as theirs is concerning "nature vs. nurture".

I measure intelligence by potential, not by stupid facts and dates. The same 'grease monkey' has approximately the same potential to hold as much information as I do, it's just that we're interested in different things. People will learn what they need to survive. An agriculturalist will learn to grow food to eat/sell for things they need. A homeless person may learn good dumpster spots for food. A drug dealer may learn what kinds of people are best to sell to and where. A politian may be a great tell or truth or lies.

I biked with Brittany, like I do many nights a week, to her house. The ride back tonight was a special one; the weather was nice, the sky was clear, the roads were fairly empty, and I was in a mood to write. This bike ride as a whole inspired me, but in particular was the clear stars and the generator-light strapped to the frame.

The night is clear, and open to all who have eyes to see it. The path one travels beneath them is one they must make themself. There is no fate to be subject too, except the fate in which one designates themself to.

Loyalty Day?

2006-05-01T20:12:00.000-05:00

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2006/04/20060428-10.html

Loyalty Day, 2006
A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

Our Nation is blessed and bound together by a creed of freedom and equality that is entrusted to all Americans. Preserving the ideals of our founding requires the service and sacrifice of every generation, and on Loyalty Day, we celebrate the gift of liberty and remember our own obligation to this great Nation.

The dedication and selflessness of America's soldiers and their families inspire us all. Some of our Nation's finest men and women have given their lives in freedom's cause. By their sacrifices they have given us a legacy of liberty and brought honor to the uniform, our flag, and our country. The American people are grateful to the brave men and women of our military for their service and we will always stand behind them. I encourage all Americans to learn more about opportunities to thank and support our troops, from sending a care package to writing a message, by visiting www.americasupportsyou.mil.

Loyalty Day is also a time for us to reflect on our responsibilities to our country as we work to show the world the meaning and promise of liberty. The right to vote is one of our most cherished rights and voting is one of our most fundamental duties. By making a commitment to be good citizens, flying the American flag, or taking the time to learn about our Nation's history, we show our gratitude for the blessings of freedom.

The greatest strength of America is in the heart and soul of its people, and every time a volunteer reaches out to a neighbor in need, our Nation grows stronger and more hopeful. Thousands of Americans are serving a higher calling by mentoring, coaching, serving in Senior Corps, and by participating in many other programs that enrich lives and help build a better tomorrow. The light of freedom shines brightly because of compassionate people who care about others. Their dedication to a cause greater than self gives all Americans confidence in the future of our Nation.

The Congress, by Public Law 85-529, as amended, has designated May 1 of each year as "Loyalty Day." I ask all Americans to join me in this day of celebration and in reaffirming our allegiance to our Nation.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim May 1, 2006, as Loyalty Day. I call upon all the people of the United States to join in support of this national observance, and to display the flag of the United States on Loyalty Day.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-eighth day of April, in the year of our Lord two thousand six, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirtieth.

GEORGE W. BUSH

What the flying fuck? Mayday is an INTERNATIONAL WORKER'S HOLIDAY.

Thankyou for further repressing the peoples of this nation, dubya. Fortunately, this not not uniquely your idea. This was tried in the twenties, to act as a counter-weight to the socialist MayDay. It didn't work so well then, and I'm hoping once again it won't catch on.

Ya Basta!

2006-05-01T07:50:00.000-05:00

Today is MayDay. Enjoy all!

Bike to work in the rain

2006-04-30T19:18:00.000-05:00

So I'm not the most satisfied person with my home life. I'm coping with it decently, but I strive for doing things on my own. I want to show my mum that I can be independent. It's not that I need her approval, it's more so that I want her to leave me alone.

Today she was out with her boyfriend Curt, and I had to work at 4. She told me she'd by back at 330PM so i'd have time to get to work. Well, my mum gave me a jingle on the telephone and asked me if I wanted a ride to work. I told her no, and she tried telling me it was raining too hard to bike to work. Peering out the window, I declined again. This was going to be one sweet bike ride. She comes home, and tells me to take her car or Curts truck. I decline again.

So I'm getting ready for work; I have my work pants and shirt, my backpack, coffee, jackets, headphones, and everything. While I was putting my shoes on my mum and Curt stood behind me trying to talk to me. Of course I ignored them while my headphones blarred, and as I walked out my mum started to scream (she had to, so I'd here here). She was telling me that I should take her car or Curt's truck. I proceeded to walk outside, gloves embracing my hands, bandana covering my face, another holding my hair out of the way, and my hood up to protect my ears/neck.

Now the bikeride to work is a good 5-8 minutes, about 2 miles or so. I never timed it out, but in the rain it is glorious. The water splashing everywhere, adrenaline and caffine flowing through my veins. Miraculous.

Work was good. I love my co-workers, and my job. Especially thanks to Shari who helped me scrub down those baseboards good. ;)

Tomorrow is MAYDAY. No School, and No Work. It's going to be good. I doubt it, but i'd like a ride to and from Milwaukee. Otherwise, I'll have to find another adventure to occupy me for the afternoon and evening.

Piss fuck. I just checked the weather. Rain occupies all of tomorrow. It's going to be a gloomy day.

Fomenting Revolution

2006-04-29T20:09:00.000-05:00

So here is my first post on blogger. I have been procrastinating in the completion department of this blog, but now that i have it set and done, i hope to post into it regularly. If you find anything wrong about it, especially those of you using InternetExplorer or viewing in 800x600, just let me know with a simple comment.

I am but a simple man with a vision to inspire. My goal is to help stimulate the minds of others by bringing on different ways of thinking and new ideas. That's where it starts; I am 'Fomenting Revolution'. I am promoting the growth of revolutionary ideas so when this inevitable collapse of civilization is dawned upon a large portion of the population, some may have the skills to survive.

Of course, survival is not defined in any one specific way. There will be many new ways to live to fit tribes, communes, collectives, among other things. The topic I will mostly refer to is Permaculture. In my eyes, a tribal community practicing permaculture is a sure way to live in a self-sustainable manner.

Here, I will express my ideas through words in various mediums; perhaps a rant, paper, speech, poem, ect. I also do quite a bit of Photography. I will surely EVENTUALLY make another blog simply for my photography. It will be easily accesible via my profile. In my profile, there will be another blog (thus far, not created and surely unnammed) under the obvious "blogs" section. I will post when i get that up and running.